i don't do these very often. but with all the chaos that's been happening lately leading up to the melbourne trip and with the wedding dramas (not to mention getting raped with school assessments). i thought i'd do a DMT (deep meaningful talk) post.
one of the worst things in life. is knowing what's wrong with yourself, but not knowing how to fix it. i know what i am and what i'm not.. and impossibly difficult is one of my traits that i wish i could eliminate. (what do you mean by difficult?)
every now and then i randomly get into one of my puddles and i just get into a funk mood where i worry and remember all the bad things that has happened in my life. i remember all the hurt that i've felt and all the things that upset me. and let them pretty much run wild. and whenever i get into these puddles... i tend to bring up bad things that happened in the past before le boy and i got together. there's only 2 things that i hold most dear to me that has multiple times over almost torn us apart. sometimes i wonder if he might get fed up one day and feel.. regret for having picked me. but by some.. fate. each and every time as much as i try to push him away.. he's stood by me and not once let go of me. he almost never knows the right thing to say initially to avoid the mental breakdown.. (men.. ==") but has somehow never stopped loving me and wants to grow old with me.
once the distance between us is eliminated and we can finally start our lives together... i hope it can only get better from here.
because of the drama that happened before he and i got together.. some of my friends weren't exactly.. ecstatic when i first broke the news of marriage to them.. because of their past experiences.. it's caused them to feel jaded and cautious. but they're very excited for me and have been nothing but supportive and helpful in every way possible now that they know he's committed and that this is what i want. and for that i am forever grateful. people are people.. all you can do is to be who you are. however you are. and the people who matter won't mind. and those who mind. don't matter.
