now what?

haven't been on this bad boy for a while.. i guess i'm just avoiding putting thoughts into words.

a lot has happened since my last post, some good and as always some bad.
still having domestic issues but.. it's looking a little less dark because we are realising what the issue is instead of just being stubborn and arguing our point for the sake of being right. but on some better news.. i'm actually starting to make my own indie polish!
we've been talking about it for a while now. especially his mom, she's been pushing for me to do something with my obsession with nail polish and turning it into money.. well.. this is what it's going to be!
he and i have been looking for resources and ideas to make this all happen. it was slow in the beginning but it's starting to pick up now. we've found two suppliers one in which i'm not too happy about simply because their customer service is absolute shocking, but prices are very cheap (not including shipping because they're located in Florida) and another in australia.. which ends up being a little more expensive even with the flat rate shipping. i've been pouring over glitters, tinters and pigments.. which ended up being harder than i had anticipated simply because we had a budget to stick to (what's the point of doing this if we weren't going to make any money out of it) and who knew.. you had to find specific glitters and pigments etc for specific projects? it was a nightmare.. not to mention have it be of good quality and not cost an arm and a leg.. oh and another one was picking a name.. my goodness.. i wanted something that was original.. and also related to me.. sadly enough.. the best thing i could conjure up was "poopy's polish" but.. he said it related too closely to shit.. 'shitty polish' yeah.. that'l be an awesome marketing name.. so back to the drawing board.. i even asked my mom.. she said.. "l'amor" i said it was too.. flamboyant for me.. and didn't relate to me at all... so she suggested "dragon lady" (thanks mom ==")
hopefully everything will work out because this is our first project together.. i'm not going to lie.. we've already had pretty heated arguments while we were planning this business venture.. i mean.. he's providing the capitol.. what happens if it goes south.. or doesn't pick up? i'd have wasted all this time and money for nothing and not to mention add more stress to the relationship (it's not like we need any more than we already do with the distance, my parents, and just our clashing personalities - it's truly a miracle that we're still together)
this will be a part time gig.. obviously only during breaks when i visit  so i can brew the potions. he'll do all the packaging and shipping when i'm not there.. while i'm away i'd conjure up more polish ideas during uni and brew them while i'm there!
and that's pretty much it.. once i have everything smoothed out.. i'd be giving more updates and previews of how things are going!
oh and i've even managed to get back into my nail art for easter yesterday!

for this manicure i used Sally Hansen Jaded for the base. Sinful Colors for the lines and dots. Elainto Dream Purple BYS Pretty As A Peach and Roller Coaster and China Glaze Golden Enchantment for the flowers topped off with the trustee Sally Hansen Quick-Dri top coat :)

with that being said. i hope everyone has a wonderful and safe easter filled with lots of love and chocolate!

there is nothing as sweet and sorrowful as love

sorry.. no nails today.. going to be a very long.. open book diary today.. so.. feel free to keep strolling...
and truthfully.. i haven't been very inspired the past couple of days...

i don't know if anyone has been following my posts.. but i had originally started this blog as.. i guess.. a diary into my relationship and our developing story i guess.
a little over a year ago.. my partner had proposed to me. yes it was unorthodox and our situation wasn't exactly great. but i guess he felt strongly enough for me to want to start a life with me.
unfortunately to my dismay.. a series of most unfortunate events soon followed after..

he came in april to visit.. mostly to meet my parents and see how things go.. it was a complete disaster. my parents completely rejected him. and after he left my mother made me make an awful promise as to not date him. but i just couldn't because i had felt so strongly towards him. at the time i let my parents think that we stopped being.. a couple i guess and that we were just friends. in the beginning he didn't take it very well.. and we got into many arguments over it. but eventually he was very understanding and chose to continue to try. and for that i was so grateful. he understood how much my parents meant to me and still tried to make things work. i know my parents want the best for me. and they were afraid that if i ended with him that i'd be the one to have to look after him all the time. i guess they thought he was too "soft".
so we continued our relationship.. frequent skype dates and phone calls.. but obviously quiet because my parents sleep pretty early and the walls are thin. and we continued this for a couple of months.. every break i'd go to see him or he would come to see me. which was very costly for him because i wasn't working. but he said it was a small price to pay for us to be together.
it has been this way our entire relationship. just constant costly visits and chatting online. that was the only choice we had.
the last visit was the longest yet.. and ever since i came back.. its been up and down all over again. throughout the months of being a part.. there were frequent arguments. mostly because of misunderstandings that get blown out of proportion and we end up hurting each other whether it be through words or just.. neglect really. saying things we don't mean because we're too frustrated and don't know what to do to make the other happy.
i'll admit.. sometimes i wonder if we'll ever be happy just because we're so different. both in our personalities and way of thinking. well.. oddly enough... we were going to get hitched March 2013.. if you have seen my previous posts before the nail spam. obviously.. it did not go through.. and i had only found out a couple days ago that.. he had doubts. when we first cancelled it. we never talked about what happened. i guess with all the arguments and disagreements he was afraid that if we weren't getting along now.. getting married would only make it worse. and the irony of it all was.. i had those same thoughts whenever we'd get into a fight too.. and they would never truly be resolved.. we'd both say/yell our piece.. and then silence.. literally just an extended period of nothingness... till he whispers "i love you" and i just melt like chocolate in the sun. i can't help it. no matter how frustrated i am or hurt by him.. i just can't stay away from him. sometimes i wonder if we're doing each other more harm being together than giving the other the opportunity to be happy with someone else.. but i just couldn't bare to think of him being happy with anyone other then myself. and that is selfish.. but.. we've been through so much to be together.. and we've gone through so much hurt to just let it all go. (with that being said.. maybe we've been through too much hurt that it's time to cut our loses and let go) but i can't i just can't. how do you give up when it's everything you've ever wanted. sure when it's ugly.. it's horrible. but when it's great.. it's absolutely beautiful. like nothing i've ever felt before. isn't that worth holding onto? sometimes we get on like fire. but i still want him around. or maybe i'm being naive thinking that everything will eventually work itself out.. because realistically.. it takes two to make a relationship happen.. and i think with all the fighting.. it's slowly making us both numb.

no further talk about the wedding has come up.. and i don't want to say anything anymore let alone be the one to bring it up. i still have the dress that i'll never wear.. invitations that will ever be sent out.. and that makes my heart hurt. because i thought we were going to take this step together.. turns out.. i was the only one that thought we were ready. of course there was a lot that we had to work through.. but if we knew that we wanted to be together.. we'd do whatever it took to make things work.. i guess.. as cruel as they were.. my friends were right.. and now i'm here.. alone with a ring that no one knows about.. i'm just.. a girl.. who's kept in the corner until she is needed or wanted and that.. hurts. to have to endure all this.. hurt alone when.. he is supposed to be there for me. but how can he when even he doesn't know what to do anymore.

loving someone is to put their feelings above yours. regardless. maybe that is what we have yet to learn. he does things that hurt me. but more often than not. he doesn't even know when he's doing it. so when i voice it to him.. he becomes defensive because he feels like i'm attacking him. when really i just hope for him to understand and comfort me. tell me that it' not his intent.. that he'll try to do things differently.. but instead.. we get into a heated argument and end up saying mean things to each other. that in itself should show that we're not ready to get married yet.. will we ever?

so. here i am. wasting away my days studying or painting my nails.. it's the only time anyone ever notices me now..

i spot you a dot... again

NOTD

inspired by the awesome Chalkboard Nails

for this manicure i used OPI Do You Lilac It. Sinful Colors Easy Going and Elainto S12. topped off with Color Club top coat.

twosome or a threesome?

because it was such a hit the first time.. i thought i's try it again.. except with the traditional gradient instead of ombre :D

for this manicure i used Missha BE02 and KH02. and BYS Rhapsody topped off with Color Club top coat

just for kicks... i thought i'd do a duo gradient because i hadn't in a long time..

i'm not sure how i feel about this one.. i guess ever since i tried doing three or more colors.. two just seems a little boring now. i mean i still think it's pretty.. just not as excitable... that's just me.

blot me some color

my very first legit ombre nail art!

for this manicure i used Sally Hansen Petal Pusher. BYS Pretty as a Peach and Scandal Bikini Pink topped off with a Color Club top coat :D

i'm very pleased with how these turned out.. might have to say it's one of my best sponge nail arts yet!

i dare you to dot me

have i ever mentioned how much i hate dots?!

i really have no idea what i was thinking when i did this manicure... and mind i tell you.. it was an absolute nightmare to do.. my hands kept shaking and i was so adamant on making sure the dots were of somewhat the same size.. it was horrible.. i did it during one of my skype sessions with the other half... and thank goodness he kept me sane enough to finish this manicure..

doesn't look so bad afterall huh?!

for this manicure i used OPI Skulls and Glossbones. BYS Matte Blue and Chinza Glaze Liquid Leather

my head is in the clouds

meh.. haven't been updating this bad boy as often as i should... sometimes i wonder if anyone can even see what i'm writing.. anyways..

for this manicure i used Elainto S12. Sinful Colors Easy Going and BYS Matte Purple.

it was a pretty easy manicure.. i just need to work on my "stroking" to make the "could" a little more rounded and less blotchy?

ohh dream weaver

first post in Sydney since the beginning of the summer!

my rendition of dream catcher nail art

for this manicure i used Color Club Soft Chiffon and OPI Last Friday Night for the base. Chinza Glaze Liquid Leather BYS Matte Aqua and Matte Pink for the dream catcher.

to be honest.. i'm not too crazy about this manicure.. i just wanted to try it.

--it's been pretty emotional ever since i got back from Perth. can't believe it was 4 months that i spent there literally being a housewife and painting my nails all day. but it was very nice to be able to spend time with the other half. it really gave us a good understanding and insight of what it could possibly be like when we got married. even though the employment part of my summer was a complete and utter fail.. no thanks to Integrity Staffing... overall it was a very enjoyable summer. it was really great to be home with my parents and in my own room again.. was a very huge transition from having all the space and doing whatever you wanted whenever you wanted to having someone around all the time and having to be mindful of what they wanted too. contrary to the reports my mom was giving me about my dad from the daily phone calls... he wasn't as huge as she described him to be. although.. his love handles are pretty intense now hahahhaa. but.... to my dismay... my gaming tv is gone.. i don't know what my dad was thinking but in my absence he thought it was a good idea to give it away.. because he considered it to be too old.. (see.. i wouldn't be so buggered about it if he had given it away and replaced it.. not so much..) i comaplined to him about my missing tv and he said you can go buy one.. ==" overall i;m glad to be home with my parents again. but i do miss my other half dearly. you'd think seeing that our relationship for the most part has been purely long distance that we'd be used to the constant back and forth with the distance... but it doesn't get any easier to have to part.. it just makes us realise how much more we want each other around.. *sighs* but hopefully it won't be for much longer.

still off the boat

last post in Perth :(

summer break comes to an end.. and it's time for me to head back to Sydney and back to school..

this is another one from Malaysia.. but also Korean brand and made in Korea..

Missha is known for their make up. but i guess they're nail polish is making a name for themselves now! for this manicure i used Missha BE02 and KH02 (for some reason they don't have names) as the gradient base and Butter London West End Wonderland and China Glaze Liquid Leather for the leopard prints. i'm quite happy with how this turned out and will people recycle this manicure again.

some foodporn to share before heading out..

cup of red velvet deliciousness. this was from Fairy Cakes in Innaloo.. absolutely amazing.. the cake was moist and flavoursome and the icing tasted like legit cream cheese not just vanilla frosting claiming to be cream cheese. just absolutely divine.. but pretty pricey.. it was $3.50 for the cupcake about 2 inches in height. i've had quite a lot of red velvet cupcakes in my lifetime and i thought the ones from Little Cup Cakes in Melbourne although delicious was ridiculous in price.. this was up there. especially when it didn't even have its own store.. it was just a small stall in the middle of one of the walkways between an Optus store and Man 2 Man clothing.

well Perth.. its been an adventure.. look forward to seeing you again very soon!

fresh off the boat

new polish from Malaysia!

so.. his parents have been out of town for the past 5 months and they finally came back today.. and with much appreciation and surprise.. his mom bought me nail polish!!!

even though it was from Malaysia.. the brand is actually Korean and made in Korea.. hahaha Elianto Dream Purple. this is two easy coats with no top coat..

and just because everything is better with glitter...

i added the beautiful Femme Fatale Cosmetics Gilded Rose. 2 dabbed coats with star fishing for the first two fingers :P

two is better than one

the two of my most favorite polishes

Butter London Big Smoke


and

Femme Fatale Cosmetics Quivering Heart

aren't they just so beautiful together?!
this is three thincoats of Big Smoke with one dabbed coat of Quivering Heart. i die.

sunshine lollipops and rainbows everywhere

this manicure was mardi gras inspired :)

rainbow gradient with leopard print. for this manicure i used Sinfulcolors Snow Me White for the base and Sally Hansen Frutti Petutie BYS Lucky Ducky and Roller Coaster and a no name Beach Blue for the gradient. for the leopard print i used Sinfulcolors Black on Black and Orly Oui topped with China Glaze Golden Enchantment.

hope everyone had an awesome weekend!

twirly girly

swatch of Femme Fatale Cosmetics Sweet Pea from her valentines trio

3 easy coats of this cuteness. topped off with Sally Hansen Insta-Dri :)